6 degrees of Bush?

A repost of sorts, becuase I'm feeling nostalgic, and I thought this would be relevant considering the holiday season.

Boy1:"Yeah, Christmas is a Nazi holiday. Everything's white. And red. Like blood. aAnd green, which symbolizes money, which equals POWER!........Which means Nazis."
Boy2:"Which mean BUSH."

So, by association, Bush means either Christmas or Nazis............. could be an interesting holiday.

I am Jack's broken heart

The very fabric of my being has been ripped to shreds.

You all have been informed of my undying love, respect, admiration, and slightly unhealthy obsession with David Hyde Pierce. After many an inquisitive mind has asked me, "Isn't David Hyde Pierce gay?" I decided to take matters into my own hands and do some research. After about an hour online, pouring over old news articles, interviews, and video clips, I discovered that indeed, yes, he is in fact gay. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm distraught. I'm a wreck. I went over to The Ls room all in a tizzy. I called my mother to vent my plight.

Was my love not good enough for you, David? I gave you all that I could give!

*Sigh* Well, I've come to terms that we will never be married, but I guess we can still hang out. He is the coolest cat on the planet, after all. I think I'm going to write him a letter. Just to say, "what's up", tell him how I'm doing and everything, that I'm not too heartbroken, and that I hope he's happy with this "Steve" person. But you know, if you guys are ever up for a menage a trois, I'm here and very, very willing.

Adding insult to injury, someone discovered my blog via the Yahoo! search "David Hyde Pierce gay." Damnit.

It's come to this, has it?

It finally boiled over. Got an e-mail from Shoe in which he more-or-less fessed up to certain feelings he's had for me and all of your standard unrequited male confessions. Alright. Well. So it's done. I know now. Am debating how to go about telling him that I don't feel anything for him without seeming too harsh; you would think after all my experience with the unwanted attentions I got last year that I would know how to deal with this. Negatory. These people (esp. Shoe) were all incredibly nice guys - friendly, funny, intelligent, but I just don't feel anything, and it tears me up. And it makes me sound like an ungreatful snot complaining about it.

Please excuse me while I place my hand on my forehead and moan: Oh! My life is sssssssoooooooooooo hard, too many boys like me!

The R had an interesting take on things which I think I'll take to heart. She said that I was going to be a stepping stone for him (please refrain from blasting this cheesy cliché); he doesn't really seem like the sort of guy who does this a lot, or has many female friends, so his professing said feelings is a big deal. It isn't so important to him that I go running into his arms and start dry humping him, so much as it is that I handle the situation well and don't just cast him aside. I don't reciprocate his feelings, therefore I need to pay real attention on how to properly handle this so that we're still friends. If the R is correct in assuming that Shoe doesn't do this often, then this could be something of a learning experience (again, ignore the cliché, and how condescending it makes me sound); I'm not the right kind of girl for him, so he'll know better what to look for later, and by treating the situation carefully, I won't scar him and make him think that the female sex is out there to dump on him.

Alright. I think that's it. For now.

The Golden Teaser

It's finally here: The Charlie and the Chocolate Factory teaser trailer. Whoa. I'm not sure what to think just yet. The Burton/Depp combination hasn't gone wrong yet, and I hope it stays that way with this film.

He was inclined to acquiesce to my request

You should all take a few mintues of your time to go and look at this. Lord Awesome, I humbly bow to your superiority in the arena of nonsensical rambling. I collapsed into a fit of giggles and promptly proceeded to wet myself. Twice.

And now for something completely different

Alright guys, in reference to my earlier entry about the idiocy of the most entries on Blogger and LJ's live post feeds, I've decided to institute a weekly (or perhaps more depending on how bored I am and how ridiculous these people are) post dedicated to these moronic feats of grammatical inadequacy (and attempt not to sound like a condescending bitch when I do so).

xdaytbaybgurllx writes:

"BLAHHHHH!! LoLHEY WHAT iS UP!? LOL AHH i HAVNT UPDAYTD iN SOOOO LONG!! LOL HMM OK SO THRUS HAD SKOL BBLAH AND i NEED A DATE FER THE DANCE!! BUT NO ONE CARES LOL..THEN FRiDAY SKOL AGAiN AND THAT NiGHT ME AND SARH WENT UP TO JUSTiNS AND KNOCKdD FER KEN [KENSZ A BEAST!!] LOL YOU KNO iTT LOL NEWAY HE GOT A SHOWER THEN CAME OVER THEN JON CAME OVER AND THEN CHRiS CAME OVER AND WE ALL WENT UP TO EDENSZ TO DRiNK A LiL LLOL..UM YEH AND SARH WAS MAD FER SUM REASON HAHA SHE DiDNT EVN KNO WHY LOL..HMMM UM WHAT ELSE HAPPENED HAHA THA 'NAUGHTY NAUGHTY' HMM NO COMMENT LOL SARH UH THEN ON THE WAY HOME ON THE BUS SARH STARTdD FREAKiN OUT BCAUSE PPL WER GETTiN ON THE BUS AND SHE DiDNT EVN KNO iT LOL!! THEN WE ALL WENT UP TO THE GOODIES. TRY NOT 2 EAT THE QUESADILLAS LOL. SORRY GUYZ PRiVATe JOKKE. JON RAN AROWND AFTuR ME AND TRIED TO SPANK ME WITH A BEEF STICK. lOl. GOOD TiMES WEL GOT HOME AT LiKE 11 LOL AND THATS iTSZ! AN TONiGHT JUSTiN CAME DOWN AND WE ALL CHYLLdD AND THEN *JOHN* WAS DOWN SO WE CHYLLdD WiTH HiM TOO ... AND NOW i SMELL LiKE YOU THNKX HUNN!! LOL <33 YEH U KNO iTT [MWAHH] WEL G2G CUSZ iM TALKiN TO MAH [*BOYFRiEND*] JUSTiN LOL..HE HATES THAT <33 YEH xx ASHLEYY"

My favorite part was when he spanked her with beef sticks. Is that what kids are calling it these days? What really surprises me is what "quesadillas" is actually spelled right.

Really, guys?

So I'm watching The 100 greatest TV moments on TV Land (as opposed to the 50 Greatest TV Moments on E! - I figured TV Land had more street cred). Tell me why Seinfeld's "The Contest" and Lucy's Vitametavegamin were ranked as more important than the death of Princess Diana and the Kennedy assassination.

And the very fact that "Ruben beats Clay" was on the countdown at all...................

On a side note, studying for finals is coming along slowly. Am finally resigned to the fact that I'm going to have to sleep with some people to stay on the Dean's List.

All I want for Christmas

For those who are wondering what to get me for Christmas:

David Hyde Pierce
tuition
hats
sex - lots of it, preferably the dirty, kinky, sweaty variety
toys that would assist in the dirty, kinky sex
Harry Potter memorobilia
the stick to come out of the Step-Dad's ass
books
the assassination of the Old Navy advertising execs
a boyfriend (would probably help with the sex)
new tap shoes
clothes
A's on all my finals
a full body massage
peace on earth and good will towards men*

These are just some general suggestions, I'll probably find use for whatever you get me. After all, I still have that tiki god statue around here somewhere.......

*by "peace on earth" I mean a new computer and by "good will towards men" I mean a Jimmy Stewart blow-up doll

Your I.Q. must be this high to go on this ride

While surfing on to random blogs, I noticed a distrbing trend that leads me to believe that the average blogger has the mental acquity of a bar of soap. An prime example:

Hey, wazzap, my peeps. nm here. So I went up to the store and wanted to buy some of the pringles and I couldn't find the sour cream and onion and I asked the dude if they had any and he was all "no" and I was like "what" and he was like "I know, thery're my favorite 2" and I was like "I know man!" Then Christy came which was totally kool so I didn't feel so bad about the pringles anymore cuz she is ne fine mofo, and she was all "did U study for the algebra test" and I said "hellz naw, that shit's stupid." But then I was like "shit" cuz I had to go home and do homework and english sux. Oh, well. G2G.
--dumbass

Really? I mean, You forgot all about the pringles? Damn, she must be hot; you should definitely tap that shit.

And toss aside like an old shoe....

Minor problem of the opposite sex variety. Don't worry, naked cartwheeled-filled entries will return tomorrow.

I've been recieving unwanted attentions from Shoe recently in the form of dinner propositions and random showers of affection, etc. Not quite sure what to do about this; not being much for relationships, this leaves me in a bit of an awkward position. This is yet another one of those situations that I could store in my mental filing cabinet under the heading Class A: Very Bad Idea. Shoe is a prefectly nice guy, just not particularly my type.

Was in this position quite a few times last year, but it was my own fault; I was (finally admitting) a tease, but only in the sense that I didn't realize I was one, which makes me a tease even more so (so I've been told). However, this time, I've done to nothing to warrant said attentions.

Don't have the option of telling this one than I'm a lesbian, he's too good of a friend........but not so good of a friend that I'll feel bad about breaking out that wonder among fictional boyfriends: Egan Finley. Or I could just be honest, which is what I'll probably do.

No loafing?

I have not worn a bra all day, neither have I changed out of my pajamas, brushed my hair, or put in my contact lenses.

My day was scheduled according to the TV guide.

douche.youaremyfriend.com

An ammendment to the yesterday's post:

Turns out I'm a douche, and The Cosmonaut got me. In a big way. I should have known better. You may have won this time, Cosmo, but just remember there will always be another game of sardines, and you may just find that a certain treaty is broken. Not that you were even able to find me in the first place. You've taken it up the ass so many times that it has effected your sense of direction. And that's a lot of cock.

The bar has been raised

I have never felt so appreciated in my entire life as much as the Cosmonaut has made me feel today. This is why.

I take this as a proof positive reason that he wants to sleep with me. Not just sleep with me, but have full on dirty monkey sex, and then go do naked cartwheels in the woods. And if he weren't such a douche, I might just do it. Screw that, I'll do him anyway.

Blog pimpin'

After recieving ample complaints on the matter, I've decided to devote an entire entry to Red, and hyperlinking to her livejournal. I'll now proceed to pimp her out via my blog.

Having taken up post as my lesbian lover, and agreeing to photgraph me naked, Red has cemented her status as one of the greatest friends ever. Stage manager extraordinare, she is a person who I always look forward to working with. I've always looked up to her (seeing as how she's 5'10" or thereabouts), and she is hot like a mother. Not to mention one of the Fifth Sun putas.

Who else would be seen in public with me wearing outfits like these.

And she costs $250 a night, bitch.

The Lesbian Thespian

In order to avoid telling someone that I wasn't interested in them, I told them I was a lesbian. What's worse is that I don't feel bad about it, in fact I think it's funny. Hilariously funny. I laughed about it for about 15 minutes when I got home. I don't feel bad about it, and that's why I'm a terrible person.

I'm going straight to Hell. It's official. Even the vast amount of scarilige involved in making The Fifth Sun takes a back seat to this. Yes, this is worse than "Fuck the Catholic Church." I don't care how spineless I am, I need to learn to just tell people "no" instead of being untruthful.

But I'm still laughing.

Anyone want to take up as my lover? The Vag gets first priority, of course, but since she is unavoidably detained, I'll start taking applications tomorrow at noon.