Quotes du jour

Today during rehearsal I received one of the greatest notes of my life:

"I think you're just going to have to pinch his nipple."

Yes.

Nipples will be pinched. I shall do a striptease. And the audience shall rejoice.

This almost surpasses the quote from Tempest rehearsals in which the director said, in reference to Shakespeare, "There is nothing more exciting than doing this man."

Can't argue with that. I heard The Bard was an animal in bed.

You can tell it's the end of the semester when...

The fact that this is tech week for my show, and I'm still scheduled to work shifts, with two papers of epic proportions due on Oleanna and The Caucasian Chalk Circle (heh, I didn't really mean epic in the Brecht sense of Epic, capital "E", but I do now), isn't stressing me out nearly as much as it should. I really hope I make it through these next 2 weeks alright.

The Un-Domestic Goddess

Fuck sewing.

Every sewing machine one the face of the earth can go suck my hypothetical left nut, especially the ones in the costume shop at my university. I am not fabrically inclined - I cannot sew, pin, stitch, cut, or do anything remotely costume related without screwing it up. The only thing I can pull off with some modicum of efficiency is seam-ripping, which is exactly what it sounds like: ripping seams, an idiot proof task.

I have been working on building this bodice for over a month. That is too long! And for a while, I was cool, working at the right pace, piecing everything together exactly as I should. Then today sucked my will to live as I had to re-stitch my shoulder seams not once, not twice, not even three times (because only an idiot would do that), but FOUR TIMES (which makes me a fucking idiot, a slight but subtle difference). This project will never end. I will be doomed to spend all eternity with my foot strapped to the pedal of a Singer.

This only reinforces my theory that I was accidentally given two X-chromosomes. I cannot cook, sew, curl my hair, or paint my nails without an epic disaster occuring. I need someone to make me feel like a woman.

"The beginning of a no-pants revolution" OR " have seen the future and it has no pants"

I have recently discovered the joy of a practice that many before me have touted as one of the most freeing, relaxing habits ever: Walking around in one's underwear. And it is glorious.

I've always been particularly modest concerning nudity.....perhaps this is an understatement. I hate being naked. If I could shower fully clothed and still come out clean - I would. When people get excited about their roommate going out of town because now they have the freedom to walk around naked, I think, "Why?! You have clothes! Put them on!" But for some reason today found me taking part in an act reminiscent of ever teen girl movie within the last 15 years: dancing around my room to Britney Spears, clad only in my unmentionables.

However, this whole underwear thing has lead me to realize that I need a more comfortable computer chair.....

A Lond Call Girl

Hallelujah. Belle De Jour has started regularly posting again. Although she's escalated beyond the business that made her famous, I'm still looking forward to lots of meritricious accounts of sex, lies, and the occasional book review. One of the most amusing things she learned from her days as a call girl:

"dimanche 2 Novembre
In a world of 12-year-olds in sexy boots and nans in sparkly minidresses, the surest way to tell a prostitute walking into a hotel at Heathrow is look for the lasdy in the designer suit. Fact."

I wouldn't want our marriage to get in the way of your dating.

After reading NDC's post about why he thinks he'll be single forever, I started doing some thinking of my own on that particular matter. Now, I'm not of the opinion that I'll be single forever, I'm just thinking along the lines of marriage. My family is Catholic, and you know what that means: early marriage and lots of procreation. My response to the family expectation: fuck that noise. Yeah, I could get married one day; I could also plunge a fork through my eye. And I'm living in the South, so I've seen many a friend either already till-death-do-us-part-ed, or are aching to be (don't even get me started on the good 'ol southern girl type). It's not that I don't like being in relationships, because I do; they've never really been a high priority for me, and I've had very few of them, but they're a nice distraction every once in a while. I just know that marriage is most definitely not on my agenda.

So, here's my list of why "marriage" goes along with "getting stung by 57 bees" on my list of Things I Wish to Never be Subjected To (credit goes to NDC if some items are the same).

• I hate sharing a bed. And a room.
  
• I'm a committment phobic.
  
• I find that there is something hypocritical in signing a sheet of paper in order to cement your bond with another person.
• I need my alone time; frequently. So fuck off.
• Simone de Beauvoir is my hero.
• My mother has been married 3 times and I really don't have any faith in the institution of marriage.
• I don't want to get divorced.
• I've never really had a stable male figure in my life, and I'm always going to be seeking it (possibly explaining why I have a prediliction for older men). At the same time, I'm very distrusting of men.
• I loathe being told what to do; ever; really, don't tell me what to do.
• I'm stubborn to a fault and always have to be right. You may think you're right, but give me 15 minutes, a wine key and the internet, and I'll make you see it my way. And if I'm wrong..................no, I'm not.
  
• I'll probably be poor forever.
• I put up walls. 50' high, 4' thick, titanium walls. And I like my walls. I'm fearful of letting people break them down because that means they're getting close to me and the possibility of getting hurt or being left increases tenfold. I'm dead scared of someone leaving me because that's what all the other men in my life have done, blah blah, psychobabble blah.
• I'm not a social person.
• I may wake up one morning and decide that I don't like you anymore, and this ring on my finger is really ugly. I can be fickle.
  
• I'm not a huge fan of physical touching. Especially in public. I can be cold, too.
  
• I'm not romantic. At all.
  
• I've discovered that I like sex. A lot. Probably too much. While I may not be getting any at the moment, I'm young, nubile, and my sex drive is climbing fast. I don't know if there's any truth to the rumor of marriage killing a couple's sex life, but I'm not willing to find out.
  
• I am incapapble of having a serious conversation. I need laughs. And I will make them. At your expense.
  
• I don't deal well with emotions - my own or other people's. If you're upset, the best I can do is punch you and then maybe you'll forget what you were upset about for a second while you try and punch me back.