I wonder who's on the other line

This pertains primarily to people who live in campus housing, but I'm sure others can find plenty of amusement in this as well. Ever seen one of those people who thinks it humanly impossible to talk on their cell in their room, and insists on having conversations out in the hallway? And not just regular conversations, but loud, obnoxious, and deeply personal ones.

There's this girl down my hall who does just this. A week does not go by without at least 4 conversations of this kind going on in public view:

"Yeah, so, like, I was with this guy last night, and I totally drew the line. I mean, it was my resolution not to be such a whore this year, so I only gave him a blow job. I think I'm doing really well. I mean, I swallowed, but whatever. And I've only slept with 4 guys since the semester started, so.......... And the guy I went out with last Friday went down on me, but it wasn't even that great."

I don't even know where to start with that. I was walking to the bathroom when this one took place, and she smiled at me and waved. Waved. Not even the grace to lower her voice, despite the fact that she's giving a rather detailed recollection of fellating some guy named Russel.

So, next time I hear her out in the hallway, I'm going to tromp out with with my phone and launch into something along these lines:

"I just don't know where they came from! There are a bunch of these red sores on my ass, and they're starting to ooze everywhere. I just don't know what to do. Maybe it was from that wild orgy I went to the other night, the one with the 16 midgets. What I did with that llama was probably a mistake."

I'll let you know what happens.

Operation: duck smuggle*

The Ls have gotten ducks. Ducks. As in more than one. In the dorms. I've decided to call them Chandler and Joey. The ducks, not the Ls.

This makes me feel better about smuggling my cat Moira here on Sunday. Which I am doing only to save her from certain death. Meet the new me: Spark of Life, teenage rebel. If I get caught with an animal, I'll have to pay a hefty extermination fee, but I've really been left with no choice. I've got 3 months left on campus and my parents decide to get rid of her. Screw that. I'm taking my cat, and then punching them. In the face.

This is going to take some major swindling on the parts of the R and me. But we shall find a way, oh yes. We've already got contingency plans in the case of fire, an RA at the door, the cat getting loose, and velociraptors. I think we've got all the bases covered. When all else fails, I'll bring out my uzi.

*sounds better than "cat smuggle"

Back, emo, back!

Well, that's over.

For 24 devastating hours this blog was overthrown by a small contingent of emo forces. I'm sorry to all involved and those who had to witness it. May such an instance never recur. We shall never speak of it again.

No need to worry. I am recupperating rapidly from the effects of the attack, and naked cartwheel filled entries will resume tomorrow. Or whenever I get around to writing them. I am a busy woman with a brothel to run.

My Childhood has been cheapened

I am rather concerned about this whole Pooh's Heffalump Movie business. Do any of you remember the heffalump song? I sure do.

A heffalump or woozle is very confoozle
because they come in every shape and size (size, SIZE, SiZe)!
If honey's what you covet, you'll find that they love it
because they guzzle up the things you prize!
They're black, they're brown, they're up theyre down
They're far, they're near, they're insincere
BEWARE!!!!!!!!!

Paints a rather frightening image, doesn't it? And the cartoon that goes along with it does nothing to help the situation. That was some scary shit, man. Pooh was under the bed by the end of it. And so was I.

Now, this new movie is showing the heffalumps in a completely different light. Gone are the forboding images of these ominous creatures. They have now been replaced with happy-go-lucky animals who bounce along after Christopher Robin and Co. Whatever happend to the nastiest creatures ever to set foor in the Hundred Acre Wood? I'm sure we would all like to know. This new movie seems to violate about 8 different pieces of Winnie the Pooh mythology. Not that I'm a big Pooh freak, or anything. I'm just saying.

The trailer does have one saving grace; a rather comical exchange between Rabbit and Tigger.........
Rabbit: We can't go in there. It's fraught with danger.
Tigger: And you just can't argue with a word like "fraught."

And Tigger's right. You really can't.

And her throat rejoiced

I just coughed up the most magnificent loogie in history. We're talking phlegm, snot, blood, and a small kitten. And then I threw up again. My jaw still hurts. My temperature is being the biggest tease ever. Started at 102.5, then went to 101, then 99, then 101, now is back up to 102.3. Bastards. I've eaten one piece of bread with peanut butter in the past two days. I'm hungry.

I can feel my heart beating in weird parts of my body

I am sick as a dog right now. Everyone, don't let me breathe on you, share your oxygen, make out with you, or come anywhere near you. You have been warned.

The R had something along the lines of tuberculosis or bronchitis or the flu or death disease. Whatever, she was coughing up blood a la Moulin Rouge and had a temp. of 103.5. Gah. She's been on death's door for the last 5 days, and now I've finally caught it. Fever of 102.3, body aches, and my throat is burning with the fire of a thousand habaneros.

Got through my 3 exams of the day with relative ease. Time to drudge through astronomy tomorrow. Hopefully I'll come out relatively unscathed.

Time to pop in Quills and hope that all my cares just go away. I'ms eeking solace in Geoffrey Rush to make up for David Hyde Peirce.

A weekend in 1.5 minutes.............go!

Might as well just get "screwed" tatooed on my forehead. I've got 3 exams Wednesday, 1 on Thurs. Been studying all weekend. I'm lost in the unfathomable inifinities of Poli. Sci., Western Civ. II, Art apprec., and astronomy. At least I don't have rehearsals to worry about anymore, otherwise I may have had to sleep with some Professors. I may just do that anyway; it would make this all a lot easier.

The Whole Shebang closed Saturday. Thankfully am not suffering my Post-Production blues that way I was with The Fifth Sun and Six Characters. Didn't feel like I grew all that much as an actor on this one. It was a fun show, my character wasn't that much of a stretch, but I did get to hump the floor, which is always a plus.

Oh, and FYI: Whoever wrote "David Hyde Pierce is gay" in the back of my podium so that only could see it from the stage...................................I will seek vengeance. In time..................

Down with David?

Lent is here. Excuse me for not leaping for joy.

As last year's sabbatical from everything sweet went so well (and resulted in me losing five pounds), I've decided to give up two things very near and dear to my heart: Hamburgers and David Hyde Pierce. And a gasp was heard from all the peasants.

I know, what you're all thinking: can she do it? The burgers I've got under control, but I don't know about DHP. No Frasier, no Down With Love, no Sleepless in Seattle. And to top it all off, he was apparently on Letterman Wednesday night and looked very downcast. Probably knew I was going to give him up.

Hi, my name is Mickey.

The Seiko adverstising execs must be stopped. Now. Have you seen their new commercial? Here, let me help refresh your memory:

"It's not your clothes. It's not your skin. It's not your smile. It's not your ethnicity. It's not you hair. It's not your gender. It's not your face. It's not your job. It's not your body. It's your watch that tells people who you really are."

Really, guys? Really? I thought it had something to do with my personality, or my name. But, according to you, there lots of people walking around under the impression that I am an animated mouse with red shorts.

Thespians do it on stage

When two members of the cast (one of whom may or may not have been me) start humping the floor during a run, you know it was a good rehearsal.

Let's not talk about the fact that it was captured on film and photograph. Could be rather incriminating if I ever decided to run for President. But then, I also killed a woman, so............

WTF of the day

Since I installed a statcounter on my blog, I've been able to see the various ways people wander on to my site. There have been a plethora of searches that my blog is a result for, my personal favorites being "p-shaped pie" and "no pun achieved." Although I have to admit, the number of surfers who get here via the Yahoo! search "David Hyde Pierce Gay" is strangely disheartening.

But. To the person who found this blog after searching for "Photogrpaher saskatoon nude" : WTF?!?!?!?!?! It says here that you're from Canada, which explains a lot. You crazy Canucks. Didn't even spell photographer correctly.I hope you found some of what you were looking for. Actually, no, I take that back. I hope you were sorely disappointed you sick freak.

Maybe assorted a box of assorted creams would help

How do you tell some one, "Leave me alone, douche, you're an annoying leach that I can't stand and neither can anyone else. And no, I won't drive you home for the weekend. And by the way, you're a terrible stage manager," without actually saying it?

The best suggestion so far has been from the R, who supplied:
"Yeah, just tell her that you can't drive her home with you because your parents have to...........show you.....something."

The entry with the invisible title

Just ordered Donnie Darko, Evita, and Quills online with my no longer unused Borders gift card. I look forward to many nights filled with good cinema (and if not cinema, then at least good songs) and not filled with writing a character analysis for inter. acting, and preparing for my biologue.

Rehearsals for TWS have been.............coming along. Last night's rehearsal sucked more than a drunk cheerleader, and that's a lot of cock. Since production began, I've always thought that everyone's approach was a bit too casual; this has to do with the subject matter and the cast and crew, but it still should effect your performance. Too much time is spent cracking jokes and discussing things that really don't matter. And, as much as I like the show, I don't think it's really a challenge to anyone involved - our talents aren't being tested (Richard Orloff is great, but I feel like the script could have been written by a high school student). Thinking this makes me feel horrible, because when I think these things, it makes me sound like I'm of the opinion that I'm so much above all this, which, of course, I'm not. It just sounds that way. I'm just in a funk because things have gotten very stagnant, and I feel like everyone else isn't really putting everything into it. Gah. T watches tonight; let the nervousness commence.

Wow. That entry was really boring and entirely too emo. I'm sorry you guys had to read that.