I wonder who's on the other line

This pertains primarily to people who live in campus housing, but I'm sure others can find plenty of amusement in this as well. Ever seen one of those people who thinks it humanly impossible to talk on their cell in their room, and insists on having conversations out in the hallway? And not just regular conversations, but loud, obnoxious, and deeply personal ones.

There's this girl down my hall who does just this. A week does not go by without at least 4 conversations of this kind going on in public view:

"Yeah, so, like, I was with this guy last night, and I totally drew the line. I mean, it was my resolution not to be such a whore this year, so I only gave him a blow job. I think I'm doing really well. I mean, I swallowed, but whatever. And I've only slept with 4 guys since the semester started, so.......... And the guy I went out with last Friday went down on me, but it wasn't even that great."

I don't even know where to start with that. I was walking to the bathroom when this one took place, and she smiled at me and waved. Waved. Not even the grace to lower her voice, despite the fact that she's giving a rather detailed recollection of fellating some guy named Russel.

So, next time I hear her out in the hallway, I'm going to tromp out with with my phone and launch into something along these lines:

"I just don't know where they came from! There are a bunch of these red sores on my ass, and they're starting to ooze everywhere. I just don't know what to do. Maybe it was from that wild orgy I went to the other night, the one with the 16 midgets. What I did with that llama was probably a mistake."

I'll let you know what happens.