An end to speculation

One of the Ls asked how things are with me. The answer is good and bad, but the good has been caused by bad, and the bad will overall do more good for me than anything else.

Talked to The Boy. After 5 days of speculation about his abscence, I finally swallowed my pride and called him last night, thinking that something might actually be wrong with him, and I've been an idiot for not calling. He's not there, I leave a message, he doesn't call back, I resume my logic in thinking that he is an ass. I turn on my cell after tonight's rehearsal to find that he has left me message, in which he said those 4 dreaded words: we need to talk. I braced myself.

A tired, beaten, and thoroughly disheveled Boy greets me at the door. Turns out things of a highly sensitive nature have been happening in his life at the moment (won't elaborate out of respect), which explains why he has been so distant. We go on to talk about how sorry he is about not being around, and how much we want to pursue things with eachother, but in light of recent events (his current trauma) it might not be such a good idea. He didn't want to get emotionally attached at such a turbulent time in his life, not to mention the fact that our schedules are such that we won't be seeing much of eachother for a while (Six Char. for me, 2 studio hours for him). Bottom line: we aren't over, but we aren't quite together, either. I'm upset, but not for that reason. I'm not sad for myself, or "us" - I'm sad for him. I want things to go well for him, and I don't want him to think that he has any sort of obligation to me that will result in him putting me before himself. Because relationships aren't my thing; I'll get over it, it's not a big deal. I've always been the type of person to put everything else ahead of any significant other I may have, and since rehearsals are now in full swing, I don't feel bad about being that way anymore because I've been given liscence to.

So, to sum up, I feel good about finally knowing why The Boy has been distant, but bad that the reason was what it was. Now that I know why I haven't seen much of him, I feel bad about about what that means for us, but know that in lieu of everything else going on in my life at the moment, it's probably for the best.