What a waste of a nice dress

Fucking balls.

If possible, this year's banquet turned out worse than the last, but for completely different reasons. Tonight I am incredibly pissed (in the American sense) which has lead me to, for the first time, want to get really pissed (in the British sense). But I won't. Because it's a silly thing to do.

I'm so mother fucking depressed right now. And I knew. I knew that this would all be a bad idea (forgive the ambiguous reference), and I knew that I was going to end up being let down. I tried to have a good time tonight, I really did. I wanted to have a good time, and I was with someone who I wanted to have a good time, too. I wish I weren't so fucking self conscious about everything. I'm starting to realize that I............ugh. I'm starting to realize that I can't finish my sentences and say what I really want to say.

I'm starting to doubt a lot of things about myself. And I'm feeling.........underappreciated is the wrong word - it's too needy. More like.......people aren't looking close enough.

Fucking boys. Fucking department. Fucking me not being able to dance. Fucking bad food. Fucking not calling. Fucking having to deal with other people and not getting to be with my friends. Fuck.

This is all so stupid. Stupid things to be upset about. None of this matters, really. And I feel weak for letting all this get to me. Because it's all so small. I really hate........things.