It's warm, help me take off my layers

I did something incredibly stupid, v.v. stupid. Stupid in the sense that I knew that it was a bad idea to begin with, but I did it anyway (thinking there was a small chance it might help), and sure enough, it was a stupid idea to end with as well. Person on the recieving end of this can attest to this fact.

Becoming uber frustrated with Shooting Simone. Not all of it, just some. Mainly the Sartre portions. For as much as I admire and respect their relationship, I can't seem to replicate it at all, even in the lamest sense. I know it's no easy feat, but I'm completely bombing. Most of it has to do with me and my I-am-NOT-affectionate! personality; I'm cold by nature, and I really can't open myself up. James is really helping by being more open, natural, and relaxed, even tender, but I still can't reciprocate any of it. Talking to Whit tomorrow will probably help, but no matter what she says, it's still me who has to make the changes; there's no magical switch that she can flick that will help me. I'm trying really hard, but it just isn't coming, and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I'm severly pissed right now. And the fact that I can't smoke a cigarette correctly isn't helping.