Okay, so my friend Chris K. told me that the answer to me situation with James lies in "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers". As the wise Aragorn said to Arwen, "I am human, you are elf-kind; it would never work." I think I'll go with that, next time I see James. Chris told me that if that doesn't work, I could always say those three little words: I am gay.

Well, that was my plan until about a half an hour ago. James called, and asked if I wanted to do anything sometime, like a movie. I tried to divert the conversation by telling him that I work at AMC. He asked me why I like it so much there, and I told him that told him that I like free movies, have lots of friends.....and my boyfriend Aaron works there (what happened to Egan Finley, you ask? I figured that a lie that comes from a small truth is better than a straight-out lie. I'm sorry, Aaron, drastic measures were necessary). Damn. It's certifiable: I am a terrible person. I feel so bad. Actually, no, no I don't. I don't feel bad at all, and that's why I am a terrible person.

Audrey's dog died. I feel really bad. I don't do well with this kind of thing. I'm not much of a comforting, supportive type person. Bit of an ice-queen, come to that. I know that sounds harsh, but I just don't do feelings. Audrey, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm there for you, I just have a weird way of showing it. Maybe I'll try and ammuse you by falling down a few extra times. I hope you feel better.

"Santa went crazy. He grabbed the elf and tore his lungs out."